Courtesy of my brother, I’ve always had this Sarah McLachlan’s “Fallen” on my laptop. I have always liked the song but unlike my usual self, I never did listen to the words until Ikechi Oguike updated the words on her twitter profile and I listened to it on my phone and it moved me to tears.
“Heaven beg to take my hand lead me through the fire
Lead me through the fire with a long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight, truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere along the way I got caught up in all the world’s to offer
And it’s cost me so much more than I could bear
Though I’ve tried, fallen, I have sunk so low
I’ve messed uo better than I should know
So don’t come around here telling me I told you so”
That’s the first verse and the chorus.
As a child I’d always been a voracious reader, it was a passion my immediate younger brother and I shared. We’d read everything that came across our way from newspapers to novels and the like.
I have always been a Christian; I always knew that I had to also live my faith in addition to believing it but as time went on and I grew older I discovered it is easier to talk the faith than to live it. I discovered it’s easier to say I love God than to love that person that hurt me, I discovered that it is easier to quote the part of the Bible that says “love your neighbor as yourself” than to give my next door neighbor some food to eat when they have none to eat. I discovered it is easier to point out the speck in someone’s eyes than to remove the very big log in ours. I hope I do not sound preachy but I’m trying to say exactly what I feel right now.
As a child, we had this house help and when she came to Lagos, she really did not have enough clothes to wear and one day we were going out as a family and my mum asked her to wear one of my dresses and when I saw her in it, I threw a fit, I started crying because I did not want her to wear my clothes and she had to wear one of my mother’s. As I think back to that day, I am ashamed of my action and I hope she has forgiven me if she still remembers it. I really cannot remember how old I was then but being a child doesn’t excuse the fact that what I did was wrong. You see why we should never judge our fellow humans? You really never know do you?
So as I kept listening to the track that was on repeat mode, these lines just stuck and would not go away “though I’ve tried fallen, I’ve sunk so low, I ‘ve messed up better I should know…” and you know what came to my mind? The many times I looked into the mirror and could not recognize myself because I sinned, because I did what I wasn’t supposed to do, because I took God for granted, because I did not let him handle a situation because I felt I could do it on my own, because I can count the many times I messed up, the times I got caught up in what the world could offer and of course paid more than I could bear. And you know what? He kept loving me through it all; he kept giving me His grace to pull through somehow; even with how many times I rejected him, he was there patiently waiting for me to come back home. I don’t know about you but it humbles me from time to time. The singer isn’t even a gospel singer but her song touched chords deep in my soul that I can’t begin to explain.
I could console myself that I am human but I also know that some things can be avoided and temptation will always come. How can our faith be tested if we are not tempted? It is okay to fall into temptation for we aint super humans but after falling what next? Ever wonder why God was so taken with David? Even after he killed and committed adultery? A remorseful and repentant heart is what God wants. He doesn’t care if you go to church on Sundays to “show” yourself, he cares about what happens in your life in between Sundays because it is those days that matter the most. It is not being nice in church that counts because you feel a sense of God there but being nice on Monday at work, on Tuesday at school, on Wednesday to your family, on Thursday to that guy that needs your forgiveness, on Friday to your boss that has made life a living hell for you, on Saturday to that still small voice in your head that says “don’t” and then on Sunday again. I don’t know what your vice is, neither do I know what your struggle is but one thing I do know is that God uses struggle, pain and even tears to build character. After all, He never did promise a smooth sail but he did say he’ll always be there.
Nobody is perfect because if we were, I don’t think we’d be here on earth really. Recently someone posted something on facebook praying that “2012” remains nothing but a movie but what if it isn’t? What if the world does end even before you finish reading this? Most times, we don’t want to think about it, we like to think about here and now and not the life after and say God forbid each time the topic of death is brought up but people are dying all around us everyday what with the increased man-made and natural disasters world over. In a world that that is so ruled by pleasure and the “me” factor, it is even difficult to hear your very own voice, how much more the still small voice? But those that want to hear will hear even with all the noise in our world.
Remember that your salvation is a personal journey and I don’t know if you believe in Heaven and Hell but one thing I’m sure is that if there is, I don’t want to be left out.
Life on earth is transient.
“though I’ve tried, fallen, I have sunk so low, I’ve messed up …”
Funny what a well written song does to the soul.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
The Dating Game
If you are a lady and you haven't read the rule book, I must say that you are missing out. If I read it earlier in my life, I'm sure I wouldn't have made some mistakes I've made in the past. I won't include the name of the author because guys are not supposed to ever lay eyes on it but google has made it so much easier @ d click of a button. The book closest to the rule book and from a Christian perspective is "Secrets of an Irresistible Woman" by Michelle Mckinney Hammond. It is a must read for every Christian woman - my opinion. You may be asking 'Chichi, what is your point?'
My point is I met a TDH guy recently. If you don't know d meaning of TDH, I won't help you. Back to my story. I was @ a recording recently and there he was and somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I knew he was gonna spell drama but yours sincerely lives for drama don't I? But as a 'rules' girl I knew better than to talk to him first. Some will call it forming but it isn't. If a guy knows what he wants he should go for it and not the other way round. Forget the 21st century crap about a woman taking the bold step. Only works well in d movies or some really mature guy. Eeerm, I've derailed again haven't I? So where was I? So he came over and we made small talk. Talked about high school, college and post college days, turns out he's a good talker and we connected. While we were talking, my mind was already working like a clock...ladies, you know what it is like when we meet a guy we like, so I was already ahead of myself looking into the big picture. If you have a mother like my mum who constantly breathes down my neck about bringing a guy home, you'll understand and although I know she'll frown if I bring home a yoruba guy but I was past caring cos really, if he matches me spiritually, emotionally and mentally, why would tribe be a deterring factor? So after the recording he dropped me off @ home and gave me butterflies with the way his eyes stared after me.
Okay, he did meet all the physical requirements and I discovered I could talk 2 him (very important factor for me) and before my heart started spiralling out of control I knew I had to apply the rule book. On our 'first date', he asked me to come meet him @ some bar not far from my house but we know the first rule of dating is never to show up on early on the first date. I made up stuff about how tied up I was somewhere and all, suffice to say that bi showed up LATE. He made a face but I apologised as sweetly as I coukd and it was forgotten. We talked some more and I had undiluted fun. There's nothing like having a TDH guy give you his undidvided attention. The night was full of laughter and chemistry and deep down I was hoping that he would be the one. While he passed the first part of the rules/test, he did not pass the most important one for me. Or maybe I was in a hurry but when a guy kisses or tries to kiss you withoutlaying his cards on the table, you have to be careful. 'What do you want from me?' I asked and he said "I want us to be friends and some". That could mean a whole lot of things which in my dictionary means 'I want to play' and in the end I had to choose. I mean I'm not some 22 year old who could still decide to test the waters. I am looking to settle down in the nearest future and he wasn't speaking the language I wanted to hear. Then he stops buzzing me as frequently and in order not to lose my sanity I delist him from my bb just so I don't start doing the chasing. I know what you're thinking "but you could still be friends". Well, I'm not ready to be friends with him yet. I mean with all the chemistry and bonding we share, I just can't toss them or ignore them and be friends. When I'm ready to be friends I'll add him and then we can chat like nothing happened but I'm just not ready for that. For now I choose to let sleeping dogs lie.
Ladies usually apply the rules unconsciously to guys they don't send when in actual fact it should be applied to those we really like and want to have a future with. In order to know how much a guy values you, you have to pull back sometimes and see if he'll come after you. I wish TDH will show up on my doorstep and apologise and tell me how much he's missed me and how he aint sure about the future but is willing to take a bold step with me by his side. But that only happens in the movies doesn't it? I won't say its been easy but I'd rather hurt now than wait until he's decided he's played enough with me and wants to get serious with someone else. Some may not understand when I say I miss him... It's been a while I've felt like this about a guy besides I'm human and I have blood flowing through my veins.
My point is I met a TDH guy recently. If you don't know d meaning of TDH, I won't help you. Back to my story. I was @ a recording recently and there he was and somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I knew he was gonna spell drama but yours sincerely lives for drama don't I? But as a 'rules' girl I knew better than to talk to him first. Some will call it forming but it isn't. If a guy knows what he wants he should go for it and not the other way round. Forget the 21st century crap about a woman taking the bold step. Only works well in d movies or some really mature guy. Eeerm, I've derailed again haven't I? So where was I? So he came over and we made small talk. Talked about high school, college and post college days, turns out he's a good talker and we connected. While we were talking, my mind was already working like a clock...ladies, you know what it is like when we meet a guy we like, so I was already ahead of myself looking into the big picture. If you have a mother like my mum who constantly breathes down my neck about bringing a guy home, you'll understand and although I know she'll frown if I bring home a yoruba guy but I was past caring cos really, if he matches me spiritually, emotionally and mentally, why would tribe be a deterring factor? So after the recording he dropped me off @ home and gave me butterflies with the way his eyes stared after me.
Okay, he did meet all the physical requirements and I discovered I could talk 2 him (very important factor for me) and before my heart started spiralling out of control I knew I had to apply the rule book. On our 'first date', he asked me to come meet him @ some bar not far from my house but we know the first rule of dating is never to show up on early on the first date. I made up stuff about how tied up I was somewhere and all, suffice to say that bi showed up LATE. He made a face but I apologised as sweetly as I coukd and it was forgotten. We talked some more and I had undiluted fun. There's nothing like having a TDH guy give you his undidvided attention. The night was full of laughter and chemistry and deep down I was hoping that he would be the one. While he passed the first part of the rules/test, he did not pass the most important one for me. Or maybe I was in a hurry but when a guy kisses or tries to kiss you withoutlaying his cards on the table, you have to be careful. 'What do you want from me?' I asked and he said "I want us to be friends and some". That could mean a whole lot of things which in my dictionary means 'I want to play' and in the end I had to choose. I mean I'm not some 22 year old who could still decide to test the waters. I am looking to settle down in the nearest future and he wasn't speaking the language I wanted to hear. Then he stops buzzing me as frequently and in order not to lose my sanity I delist him from my bb just so I don't start doing the chasing. I know what you're thinking "but you could still be friends". Well, I'm not ready to be friends with him yet. I mean with all the chemistry and bonding we share, I just can't toss them or ignore them and be friends. When I'm ready to be friends I'll add him and then we can chat like nothing happened but I'm just not ready for that. For now I choose to let sleeping dogs lie.
Ladies usually apply the rules unconsciously to guys they don't send when in actual fact it should be applied to those we really like and want to have a future with. In order to know how much a guy values you, you have to pull back sometimes and see if he'll come after you. I wish TDH will show up on my doorstep and apologise and tell me how much he's missed me and how he aint sure about the future but is willing to take a bold step with me by his side. But that only happens in the movies doesn't it? I won't say its been easy but I'd rather hurt now than wait until he's decided he's played enough with me and wants to get serious with someone else. Some may not understand when I say I miss him... It's been a while I've felt like this about a guy besides I'm human and I have blood flowing through my veins.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Customer Service at its best
By now I’m quite sure that you are tired of hearing my mantra “I hate banking”. But after my failed attempt at MBGN, I’ve decided to make do with being a “Zenbie” and not complain about it. I’ve decided to continue to put in my best just because of God really cos if I wanted to be selfish, I would probably just give as much or as little as I’m being paid because come to think of it, to whom much is given much is expected right? If I did not have God in my life…
Hmmn! Where do I start? Don’t get me wrong the banking profession is not so bad, that is, if u love it and don’t mind the terminally long hours and all but it took me to get there to realize that it aint for me but enough of that already.
There are good days though. Trust me, like the day D’banj came in, Stephanie Okereke is like pure water in the branch and she usually shows up with this guy she’s dating (no names as I cannot afford a lawsuit…lol). Thank God for democracy. At that customer service desk, I have met people from Djinee to Olisah to Julius Agwu to Orits Wiliki (remember him?) to some other top shot men and women in the society whose names I cannot remember. Then there are days we get tipped and it is at that desk that I discovered that there are tips and there are tips. One customer has paid my salary at that desk as a tip, in fact, he spent like four hundred thousand bucks on just tips that day and all I and my colleagues could do was stare speechlessly. Yes there are days like that but they don’t come every day.
Then there are the men – married, single and all sorts. The funny part is the really old married men, calling your phone at night telling you that you could reach them at any time. I mean what could I possibly want with my dad’s mate? Attention? Money? What? Then there are the cute married ones, they have money, are rarely in town and know how to play the game and it takes the grace of God to resist them after all, “body no be wood”. Some of them have consciences and actually start with lines like “I’m a responsible man, I’ve never done this before, but I like you and have been trying to ignore it but it’s choking me” and if you are not careful, you could be lured by the lines and tell yourself “he is a good man” . then there are the men that see all female bankers as whores and would go from girl to girl trying to see where they can score and then there are the single ones who sometimes you pray notices you and for some others you just ignore their advances. In all, you must never be rude or condescending because you really don’t know who is who and before you know it, someone could be reporting you to one AGM or DM or ED and the rest will be history.
Then there are those customers who expect you to do everything for them, some will not even read before they append their signature and it makes one wonder how careless customers could be with their funds. Then there are those who you would go out of your way to please not because they have tipped you but because they are just pleasant people.
In my life’s journey, I have worked in three organizations and the most hostile place is the bank and I really do not know why. Maybe you could explain it to me because I’m yet to understand why. A senior colleague just picks on you for no apparent reason and it gets so bad that while you’re thinking of meeting whatever crazy target you’ve been given, you’re trying to deliver excellent customer service and then you are trying so hard not to step on your senior colleagues toes. That is without the hassles of my personal life which are countless. It’s crazy and sometimes I just want to scream but i no fit at least not within the office premises.
Sometimes I wonder how those in top management positions withstood all the antagonism and rose to the top and how they met their target because God knows I don’t want to get to top management level in the banking industry. They say there is money in the banking industry but I am yet to see it so or maybe it is until I get to a certain level. Some of my friends ask “do you think other places are any easier?” I know every environment has its peculiarity but what makes the difference is if you are passionate about it.
I’m not ungrateful that I have a job because trust me, I am able to help around the house, , send recharge cards to my brothers once in a while and basically take care of myself but I also know that I am bored and need to be mentally challenged. Or do all jobs become routine eventually and lose the ability to challenge the individual? But I have made up my mind to see it as a learning period, gold is not made beautiful until it goes through some serious heating right? That’s the attitude I’ve chosen to adopt and so should you if you are in the same position.
Hmmn! Where do I start? Don’t get me wrong the banking profession is not so bad, that is, if u love it and don’t mind the terminally long hours and all but it took me to get there to realize that it aint for me but enough of that already.
There are good days though. Trust me, like the day D’banj came in, Stephanie Okereke is like pure water in the branch and she usually shows up with this guy she’s dating (no names as I cannot afford a lawsuit…lol). Thank God for democracy. At that customer service desk, I have met people from Djinee to Olisah to Julius Agwu to Orits Wiliki (remember him?) to some other top shot men and women in the society whose names I cannot remember. Then there are days we get tipped and it is at that desk that I discovered that there are tips and there are tips. One customer has paid my salary at that desk as a tip, in fact, he spent like four hundred thousand bucks on just tips that day and all I and my colleagues could do was stare speechlessly. Yes there are days like that but they don’t come every day.
Then there are the men – married, single and all sorts. The funny part is the really old married men, calling your phone at night telling you that you could reach them at any time. I mean what could I possibly want with my dad’s mate? Attention? Money? What? Then there are the cute married ones, they have money, are rarely in town and know how to play the game and it takes the grace of God to resist them after all, “body no be wood”. Some of them have consciences and actually start with lines like “I’m a responsible man, I’ve never done this before, but I like you and have been trying to ignore it but it’s choking me” and if you are not careful, you could be lured by the lines and tell yourself “he is a good man” . then there are the men that see all female bankers as whores and would go from girl to girl trying to see where they can score and then there are the single ones who sometimes you pray notices you and for some others you just ignore their advances. In all, you must never be rude or condescending because you really don’t know who is who and before you know it, someone could be reporting you to one AGM or DM or ED and the rest will be history.
Then there are those customers who expect you to do everything for them, some will not even read before they append their signature and it makes one wonder how careless customers could be with their funds. Then there are those who you would go out of your way to please not because they have tipped you but because they are just pleasant people.
In my life’s journey, I have worked in three organizations and the most hostile place is the bank and I really do not know why. Maybe you could explain it to me because I’m yet to understand why. A senior colleague just picks on you for no apparent reason and it gets so bad that while you’re thinking of meeting whatever crazy target you’ve been given, you’re trying to deliver excellent customer service and then you are trying so hard not to step on your senior colleagues toes. That is without the hassles of my personal life which are countless. It’s crazy and sometimes I just want to scream but i no fit at least not within the office premises.
Sometimes I wonder how those in top management positions withstood all the antagonism and rose to the top and how they met their target because God knows I don’t want to get to top management level in the banking industry. They say there is money in the banking industry but I am yet to see it so or maybe it is until I get to a certain level. Some of my friends ask “do you think other places are any easier?” I know every environment has its peculiarity but what makes the difference is if you are passionate about it.
I’m not ungrateful that I have a job because trust me, I am able to help around the house, , send recharge cards to my brothers once in a while and basically take care of myself but I also know that I am bored and need to be mentally challenged. Or do all jobs become routine eventually and lose the ability to challenge the individual? But I have made up my mind to see it as a learning period, gold is not made beautiful until it goes through some serious heating right? That’s the attitude I’ve chosen to adopt and so should you if you are in the same position.
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