Friends with Benefits

Have you ever heard this phrase? Yes! Friends with benefits!

Let me try to define it. You are friends with a member of the opposite sex and for some reason that relationship is not defined. Why? Because one person is either dating someone else, is afraid of committing because he/she feels there is someone better out there or because the person is just comfortable with the status quo. I mean he/she may not have a boy or girlfriend but is getting “everything”, yes literally and figuratively from this person and does not want it to change. However, this person does not want to commit. Meanwhile, the partner is there having hopes that he/she will come around to making a commitment because as is usual in this kind of relationship, one person is in love and is emotionally tied to this person and most victims in this case are the women folk.
The really bad thing about this relationship is that it goes on for years…sometimes as long as ten years and as an outsider you may ask “is she stupid?” what can I say? Emotions run deep and there’s nothing as sweet to a man as love that he did not work for… I got that line from a book I read back in the university, can’t remember the title though but it is so true.

Larry met Nkem while they were corps members. He had a girlfriend but something about Nkem just continues to pull him. he approaches her and they “click” immediately. They become fast friends but Larry holds back the information that he is indeed seeing someone and before you know it, sparks start flying. He calls her at odd hours of the day, visits her at home, buys her gifts on a whim and Nkem is floating in “love heaven”. Somewhere along the line he fesses up and tells Nkem that he has a girlfriend who he is in love with (this is like five years down the line when she’s expecting him to commit and pop the question). To say that her world came crumbling down would be an understatement but she was madly in love with him already and she kept telling herself “if he could show me so much affection and claim to love me, who knows? I just might get him to commit”. So he hangs on hoping that he’ll come around and because of this, she ignores all other guys that come her way. Larry eventually got married to his girlfriend and did not bother to tell Nkem.
In chioma’s case, she loved Nnamdi to a fault. They were just friends but somewhere along the line, emotions start rolling. She cooks his meals, cleans his house, warms his bed and all but Nnamdi won’t even acknowledge her as his girlfriend. She stays on hoping and praying to God that he will come around but after three years, she goes to his house one day and sees another girl with her luggage in his house. It did not clear the scales in her eyes as she kept telling herself that the other lady would pass. All this while, she’s been ignoring advances from other guys because her heart was somewhere and although Nnamdi did not commit, he kept leading her on. Her turning point was a certain day when she sent him a romantic text and his reply was that the other lady saw it. That was the day Chioma decided she had had enough.

Do you see why I say ladies are more vulnerable? In both cases, real life if I may add, the guys led them on when they knew there was no future in the relationship. And although the ladies saw the hand writing on the wall, the signals they kept getting from the guys blurred their discernment.
Why would you stay in a relationship that keeps draining you emotionally, spiritually, financially and otherwise? Is it lack of self-esteem? Is it that love has blinded you so much that you really cannot look at the big picture which is that you should love yourself first because if you do not love yourself, you will take whatever crap anyone hands out to you and even thank the person for it. If you are in a relationship that is a year old and still undefined, don’t you think it’s time to hit the freeway? Because if you have selflessly loved someone and that person has not reciprocated, isn’t it a sign that he will never? Some ladies will say “I’ve given so much, I can’t start all over again”, “I can’t love another like I’ve loved him”, “he knows me so well” …the list goes on and on…
Funny enough, both guys are married now to other people of course and while Chioma was able to find herself a good man, Nkem hasn’t been so lucky. Can you relate to this story? If you can, don’t you think it is time to let go?

God created marriage and it is indeed a good thing only if spent with Mr. Right. Pity does not cut it. If he marries you out of pity, you are worse off for it, if he marries you because “she’s stuck around long enough, why don’t I just make her happy by making her my bride” it will not work in the long run. How would you feel if you overheard your husband to be say to his friends “she completes me like no other does, I love her and I know it will not always be easy but I am willing to take the risk” or if you overheard him say “well, she loves me and she is obedient and honestly I can control her so what the hell! I might as well marry her” or “she is rich, her family will help my career”. If you heard any of the last two, would you seriously get into that kind of marriage? You would if you’re in for what you can get or because your self esteem is on an all time low or you are so desperate that a wolf who by the way is not in a sheep’s clothing is a blessing to you but if you have feelings for the guy and you overheard the first statement, wouldn’t you smile to your friends and tell them that no matter how bad it gets, you know that he’ll always be there till death do you part.
It does take the grace of God and while we are itching to settle down, let us shine our eyes. And remember it is he that findeth a wife and not the other way round.

Giving back to the Society

So today my town’s people had their “nmechi” for the year and even though I did not want to attend, my mum insisted and I couldn’t help but remember a line in “Half of a Yellow Sun” where Kainene explained to a white guy the notion about being fresh meat for young single guys out there. I mean I couldn’t help remembering that line cos my mum has been on my case to bring home a guy… if u know what I mean.

Anyways I tagged along and pleaded with my brother to come along so I wouldn’t get bored but he did not want to so I ended up going alone with a copy of “Half of a Yellow Sun” which  I’m still reading. Anyways we got there and I did not see any of my cousins neither did I sight any interesting guy so after looking around for a while, I went back to the car to continue my quest in Olanna and Kainene’s world and couldn’t help thinking that I hadn’t ironed what to wear to work tomorrow. But before I went off to the car, I greeted some of my aunts, “nnukwu nne”, “nne m” and nnam ochie” and all other names we have for such relatives.

After a while, some guy sought me out in the car…he claimed to know me but I did not recognize hime but what the hell! He is from my village so I indulged him and we walked back to the gathering. Upon getting there I noticed that there was so much noise all of a sudden only for me to look up to see that a raffle draw was going on. There were refrigerators, bags of rice, television sets, motorcycles, cartons of noodles and other items all donated by the rich among us in my village. And I thought to myself as I saw the joy on the winners’ faces as their numbers were called, the screams of delighted surprise and the cheers of the audience, this is what charity is all about. I mean whoever said “Charity begins at home” knew what he was talking about. Forty bags of rice were donated by an individual and it was shared among the widows.

Some of us are rich and can afford to help others but we do not start with our families, we do not begin with our immediate communities for reasons best known to us but prefer to help others outside our immediate family and community. But if you are well to do and your family looks shabby, wouldn’t you be ashamed?

While the masses prayed for the givers and asked God to provide more for them, I thought to myself, what more could anyone ask for if not the blessings of his people? While some of us might see it as blasé, I think it is worth commending because after all, charity begins at home.  

If you are in the position to help people, please let it start with your family and immediate community. Much as I did not want to go, it is one thing I learned today.

To all those who put smiles on people’s faces today, may God bless and replace in tenfold all that you gave today and to the wonderful people of Unubi, I say long live Unubi!!! I am proud of my village.

Purple Hibiscus

While the big brother participants are apprehensive about  who’s going to leave the house next, yours truly just finished reading the book with the above titled written by Chimamanda Adichie whose first name I only just got to know how to pronounce. I really couldn’t make up my mind if it is an Igbo or English name  or if it is a mixture of English and Igbo until a colleague of mine pronounced it with the proper Igbo inflection.

I was still a child when I got introduced to the Hibiscus flower which is red in colour, I used to cut it from my neighbour’s garden and put it in my hair. If you wrote WAEC in ‘99/2000, we drew it in our Biology practical exam so I was taken off guard when I heard “purple hibiscus” but Chimamanda has justified it  or has she?

The book made quite an amazing impression on me -  it is one of those books that you don’t want to put down – it kept me awake at night even when I had work the following day.

I really am at a loss on where to start.

What is a family? To me, a family is more than just a dad, a mum and kids which is where I think “papa” or Uncle Eugene lost it. Yes he was religious, he gave to the poor, he was charitable and kind to all and sundry but his family. The church recognized him and women would willingly throw themselves or their daughters at him according to his wife Beatrice. His kids grew up in an atmosphere of total fear, they had no opinion, and everything for them had to be approved by their dad, which really isn’t a bad thing. Where it is bad is where kids are not allowed to be kids, where every mistake they make is a sin and should be confessed at the feet of a priest, I mean even his wife was dead scared of him and if she “misbehaved”, he punished her by beating her or doing atrocious things to her. Even the kids were not left out. Imagine where your dad pours hot water on you just because you have a picture of or you were in the same room with your “heathen” grandfather! Or where he disfigures your finger because you came 2^nd position in class! I mean, who stays in that kind of marriage? An Igbo woman.

The man is more catholic than the Catholic Church, to the extent that singing igbo songs or hymns at mass is not acceptable to him, he does not care for his aged father because according to him, he is a heathen just because he does not believe in the catholic faith. With all that, his father still includes him in his prayers.  His sister, aunt Ifeoma is also a catholic but is the direct opposite of him. she is a widow, and has to cater for three kids on her own. As a university lecturer, this is not an easy feat but her family is built on the foundation of love, laughter and discipline. Funny enough, I could relate to aunt Ifeoma’s family because we also used to fetch water outside as kids, I used to share some pieces of meat with my brothers whaenever we ate garri…we never got a piece to ourselves except on Sundays. Then my family was and still is where we are always ourselves, free to talk, laugh and be kids. We knew we were not supposed to fail at school but even when we did not perform as good as we ought to, we were not seriously beaten or made fun of, instead my mum would shout a little but whoever had poor results that term had to put in more study time over the holidays.

Aunt Ifeoma manages to convince Eugene to let his kids come and spend some time in Nsukka with her and while the environment and behavior was strange, it was full of love and naturally Jaja and Kambili preferred their aunt’s home to theirs.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when Eugene beat his wife yet again to the extenet that he broke their centre table on her stomach, causing her to have a miscarriage for the third or fourth time. After she recovered from this incident, she lost it. She started feeding him poison in his tea until he eventually slumped and died. An autopsy was performed and when the police came, Jaja claimed he killed his dad.

While I do not believe in murder, I must say that Eugene had it coming;  I did not like the way it ended either and while murder is not a good idea, i do know that there is more to life than shades of black and white. I have a problem with their Parish Priest, Fr. Benedict though. As a spiritual director, he could not have claimed not to have seen the physical and emotional assault the family was going through, he heard their confession and  unless Eugene did not confess everything he did (if he even saw it as wrong) the priest did nothing about it. When he beat his daughter so hard that she lost consciousness and was rushed to the catholic hospital, he could have done something but no he did not. Maybe he was blinded by the generous donations he made to the church.

Yet we wonder why we have so many psychopaths in the society! If I come from a dysfunctional family, how am I supposed to behave in public? If I can’t laugh at home, where could I possibly laugh? If my dad’s way of discipline is scarring me and then using tears with the words “anything I do, I do out of love” to blackmail me emotionally as a child, what will I teach my kids? For how long will we continue to use religion as a perfect cover for our heinous crimes? He called his own father a heathen and “hands offed” him but in what way did he try to win his father over by showing love to him? if you call yourself a Christian and your ways are evil, how do you intend to win souls?

Did I mention the attraction between Kambili and Father Amadi? Yes! Priests have feelings too, after all, they are also human like you and i. 

These and more are the questions that arose in me when I read “Purple Hibiscus”.

Chimamanda Adichie came into lime light with this book even though she had written short stories in the past. Her style of writing took me back to the days of Chinua Achebe, Cyprian Ekwensi, Flora Nwapa and the like where children used to seat at the feet of the elders and listen to “akuko ifo” otherwise known as folktales. She is also the author of “Half of a yellow sun” and guess what! She is young and an inspiration to many people out there. I get bored easily but this book held my interest from start to finish and I did not want it to end. I am so proud of her.

(Yawns) I’m tired of typing…why don’t you go get or borrow a copy of “Purple Hibiscus” if you haven’t and get the whole story? As for me, I’m off to ook for my next Chimamanda book. See you later.

How far would u go to prove ur love?

What is the extent you’ll go for someone you claim to love? Where would you draw the line? I have decided not to be rating movies anymore, I mean, I should get paid for sitting through a movie and giving my honest ratings shouldn’t I? Femi played by Ramsey Nouah in Kunle Afolayan’s epoch making movie “Araromire” is in love with his best friend’s girlfriend turned fiancée turned wife. Solum played by Kunle Afolayan, really does love his wife Mona but is a cheating husband. Mona does not know that her husband is a cheat and her life is sailing on smooth seas. While the trio is going to serve their country in a town called “Araromire” Femi has a ring with which he hopes to propose to Mona but he never does it  and Sola beats him to it. Muna on the other hand is not in love with Femi but loves Sola the bad guy. (talk about good girls falling for the bad guys all the time). In the town while serving, they stumble upon a deity which for reasons best known to him, Sola decides to keep to himself for the heck of it but folklore has it that the deity brings seven years of good luck and seven years of bad luck. Now, Mona after hearing about the deity believes that her life is indeed going too smoothly…you know the saying that “if it is too good to be true, it probably is”…. Yeah! She thinks that her life is indeed being orchestrated by the deity but her husband does not believe it. Again, after the deity was found, everything around Femi and Sola was just going smoothly; Femi’s dad who was dying of cancer miraculously survived it, he got a job immediately after service, even Sola, after parading his arrogant self at a job interview gets the job, in fact life is just sweet for both of them and their families. Sola on the other hand is now a proud dad and is expecting his second child and his marriage is filled with love, laughter and camaraderie. Muna gets uncomfortable with the figurine in her home and orders it thrown out but miraculously it reappears and then she begins to get paranoid. Femi’s dad dies, both Femi and Sola lose their jobs simultaneously; things just start taking a bad turn and guess what! Yes! It happens exactly seven years after Sola picked the figurine. Coincidence or jazz? Find out in the movie.

Well, it turns out that Femi never did fall out of love with his best friend’s wife and uses everyone he can to bring tragedy to everyone including his sister. Apparently, “Araromire” indeed is just folklore but he capitalized on Mona’s paranoia. Femi got his dad to re-make the figurine as his father was a painter, sculptor and art person generally and while everyone got scared that the figurine was pulling “appearing acts” it was just Femi replacing one figurine after the other. His inspiration was that Sola did not deserve Mona and only he could love her the way she deserved. How’s that for a psychotic mind?

I am not going to narrate the whole story…like I said, go see it. I’m going into every other thing about it.

The plot is fantastic, the theme was very clear and Nigeria was celebrated. I have never been so proud of a Nigerian movie. The golf course where they played was ours, the paintings hanging in their homes were totally Nigerian or African, it had nothing western and anything western there, was created by us. The dressing, the language (Yoruba based movie), and our culture was celebrated, even Governor Fashola was celebrated. Mona and Sola taught their son how to “dobale” when greeting an elderly person and how to greet in his mother’s language (she’s Edo). It was a Nigerian tale with a down to earth delivery of the script. Who says you can’t pay to see a Nigerian movie at the cinemas? It cannot even be compared to another movie…it is one of its kind.

No matter how much you’ve lost faith in Nigerian movies, I put it to you that you must love at least one thing about the movie. For the first time in my life, I wished I were part of the cast and crew. If there are any flaws in that movie, yours truly did not see it, maybe I’ll detect it when I see it again but for right here and now, the movie is a must see and for those who feel you haven’t started until you go to South –Africa or America to shoot a “C” movie, well, it is an “A” movie by our standard.

To the cast and crew of “Araromire” I say congratulations! To Kunle, you did a great job and really with all the westernization going on, it is good to be reminded that our culture and tradition is rich and beautiful and should not be thrown away in the name of civilization. Your movies have always been outstanding though!

Back to my question, how far will you go for someone you love? Would  you kill? Would you manipulate? Or will you know when to let go and wait for your own? If that love interest of yours has found love somewhere else, would you destroy it and think that after destroying it, that love interest would really love u? Go see “The Figurine” and answer this question.

Wife Battery

This is a rather short note but i think it's worth sharing.

On my way back from church this morning, I beheld a shocking scene, know what it was I saw that made my blood run cold?
A man stopped his car on the busy road against passersby and traffic only to come out of the car, leave the kids in the back seat and start beating his wife in full public glare. crazy huh? Now this family was either coming from or going to church and whatever it was this wife did to her husband, he just couldn't wait until they got home.

Lagosians of course went to intervene and tried to get the poor wife outta the car but she was hearing none of it and it got me wondering.

What could have happened to that couple that reduced them to “stop the car in the middle of the road and beat the crap outta her?” I mean the husband did not care about the kids’ feelings, who by the way, were crying in the backseat of the car before hitting their mum in public. I mean tomorrow he’ll apologise for being a jerk in public and she’ll forgive him and hope that he’ll never do it again. But pray tell! What kind of man treats his wife like that in public? And what if he does it again?
she'll just have to go on forgiving him right? cos marriage is for better, for worse.

A Man's Wife

So today, after much ado I finally went to Terra Kulture to see the drama with the above title. It had two people as the actors – a man and his wife.

This story is about a man and wife who have been married for twenty-two years and all of a sudden, the man starts having “mid-life crisis” and blames his wife for everything that has gone wrong in his life – his unfulfilled dreams and aspirations, the fact that she nags about every little thing he does, how she keeps reminding him of all the mistakes he’s made and so on. Basically, his point is she has taken him for granted and blames the “no longer exciting” marriage on his wife. Instead of trying to work out things between them, he looks outside and meets “the other woman”. This other woman happens to be pregnant for him and his wife hears from outside sources and she confronts him. He denies at first but then admits that there is indeed another woman but he still denies that she is heavy with his child. After much pressure he admits that she is indeed heavy with his child and as the typical African woman that she is, she tries to see if they can work things out but her husband of 22 years is very unwilling as in his own words Linda who is the other woman is caring and full of innocence. She shows him things that he never imagined, treats him like a god and all. His wife reminds him that she’s been with him for longer and knows his weaknesses which make it all the better but he says she put her career before him and that her love for him has dwindled. She reminds him that they have 3 lovely kids who happen to be schooling abroad and asks what the children will think and feel and his excuse is that they are in America and it is a way of life for married people in there to separate.

However, things take a turn when she realizes that her husband is indeed leaving and she tries to recapture their wedding day on their anniversary only with a twist. She reappears in her wedding gown and offers him a drink for old time’s sake and without suspecting foul play, accepts the drink. She then asks him this question which I’ve rephrased “what is a woman incapable of feelings able to do?” he looks at the empty tumbler only to realize a little too late that he’s been poisoned. Linda, whose real name is Susan happens to be her informant and her daughter’s friend or as her husband out it “older friend”. She also poisoned herself with her end notes as (rephrased) “if after 22 years I cannot have you, no other woman will”.
The play was quite entertaining and fun; funny and witty but I did not like the way it ended. Tragedy is a major genre of literature but I’m looking at the lesson I got from the play.

Yes, the man got bored and was looking for excitement with someone as young as his daughter after 22 years of marriage and while he might have had a point with the fact that his wife continuously nagged and complained about almost everything, he forgot that nothing in life is permanent and could not have expected that what he got in the first few years of their marriage, he would continue getting after 22 years or what do you think? But what did he do to revive it? Nothing. In this regard, I might blame the woman. Men like to feel that they are needed, always make him feel that whether you are 5 yrs into marriage or 50 years into it, he is very much still needed. If you have stayed married to him for as long as that, it shows that you love him but with the pressures life brings to our doorstep, we tend to forget to show it or say it. If you love him say it, if he’s been good to you and your kids, say it and show him appreciation; it could be by cooking his favourite movie, treating him to a massage or just “loving” him in other ways – whatever it is show appreciation. Funny how it is us women that always have to keep him happy.

Loving a man does not mean not having a life outside him. You have to have a deep rooted relationship with God. Although his wife quoted the scriptures to make her point, I don’t think she knew God in the way she ought to have because if she did, she’d know that even after 22 years, she could still live without him. I mean what if he had died of natural causes? Wouldn’t she have continued living? She did not have to kill him or herself just because she could not imagine a life without him or imagine him in the arms of a much younger woman. There is much more to life than a separation after many years isn’t there? She could have concentrated more on her career, bonded more with God, done a whole lot of things other than murder and suicide which I think is the easy way out.

Love is not selfish and I think she was and in my opinion, she stooped lower than her husband. Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned right? A woman can hate a man with the same intensity she loves him…yes! We were made that way.

Finally, to all young single ladies out there, a married man can never be yours especially if he is not yet divorced. No matter what happens, the wife has an advantage after all, she did wed him in a church or mosque and made God part of that covenant. In a battle of prayers, who do you think will win? The wife of course! It is not in every case that the single lady goes after the married men, some men come after us right? Funny as it may sound, you have to be responsible for you and tell yourself the truth. If he is officially divorced, I don’t have a problem with it but if he isn’t please steer clear because no one wants a life full of curses. Life already has a lot of challenges, why add more by yourself?

The play wasn’t bad and Wole Oguntokun is good at what he does. I rest my case.

I'm Only Human

Right now I’m listening to Brandy’s (who I happen to love) “Human” on her album and it inspired the title. I don’t know where this is going to take me but I’m going to keep tapping on my key board.
Have you ever loved someone so much only to end up losing him/her because of a silly mistake that was probably made out of bad judgement? Or did u lose that person because of something that could have been avoided and you have blamed and are still blaming yourself? You ask urself if u could have prevented it, u wonder why it’s so hard for that person to look past the hurt and forgive, u cry and cry but the damage is quite irrevocable. Sometimes, you don’t even hurt the person and for no reason u end up being hurt and you lose a relationship that u think would have lasted forever and ever. Sometimes we refuse to let go because we are afraid of spending our future without that person, we’ve given so much of our love, time, energy, finances and have sacrificed a whole lot to the growth of that relationship.
It hurts but in Brandy’s words “I’m perfectly human”.

The first book of Corinthians 13:4-7 says (of course u could go thru the whole chapter later)

“Love is patient and kind, it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail”.
Love is that extra special feeling that grows deep within our heart, soul and spirit. It is a feeling that touches our very essence as humans which more often than not change the way we view things and it happens when we least expect it. True love is above pettiness, creed, religion or tribe. It is about friendship and FORGIVENESS, it is about responsibility. With true love sex does not matter because it is not a condition, sex as most of us have discovered does not make a relationship. Love is also about SACRIFICE; it is honey “I love to sleep directly under the fan but you can have it” these little things matter.

Does it seem difficult? If u have truly loved someone, it is not difficult is it? Even when it hurts, you look past it and forgive, if he stumbles, you reach out a hand. Now imagine feeling like this for someone and the person wakes up one day and pulls the rug under your feet (literally and figuratively of course), you are devastated, you lock yourself up and cry and if a guy, you vent or even cry depending on who is concerned. But you know what? If you love someone so much and that person cannot love you the way you deserve, trust me, u do not deserve him/her, you are indeed better off alone. Let’s get over the “he’ll/she’ll come around thought, if he doesn’t love you now, you think you can make anyone love you? Hell No! He / she will have to make a conscious decision to love you the way you deserve to be loved and not patronize you because you are nice. I would rather be single than have someone patronize me thank you very much. Love is not camouflage.

Love is I know his weaknesses but I love him, love is I know she’s vain but I love her, love is I know he’s not rich but I love him, love is she hurt me but I’ll forgive her, love is sacrificial, love is I hurt you and I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you, love is you hurt, I hurt; love is you cry, I cry, love is you’ve made mistakes so have I, let’s turn back the hands of time, love is you have a past so do I but let’s work towards the future after all we are humans.

What are the things we cannot forgive? Is it lies? Is it betrayal? Is it the fact that he/she slept with your best friend? I know some things are very HARD to forgive especially since we are not Jesus Christ but people have done it. Or does it mean that if you are married, you'll file for a divorce? I’m not saying that if the person does the same thing over and over again, you'll keep turning the other cheek No! That’s outright stupidity but then again, Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven which is really throughout our lives. However, I don’t want to go there for the sake of national peace and security before you guys will say I’ve started again or even call me an idealist.

Let’s give it some deep thought, nothing in life is easy, even love, we all have to work hard towards it and we should always bear in mind that we are all humans and tend to make mistakes even costly mistakes. Love is all encompassing of kindness, forgiveness, patience, empathy, friendship, compassion, understanding…the list goes on and on.
If you’ve been hurt before, if ur heart has bled for a lost love and if u’re still bleeding, difficult as it may seem, life does go on and I’m sure the person in question has moved on. Look on the bright side, maybe that person is not made for you. I’m sure most of us have heard this saying “if u love something, set it free and if it’s meant for u, it will definitely come back”. Besides life is too short to spend it pinning for someone who’s taken you for non-existent. Time heals all wounds. Live your life; try new things, you never what’s lurking around the corner. But always remember that he/she’s not the best thing that happened to you rather, you’re the best thing he never had.
God help us in the quest for true love.

To tell or not to tell

90% of us will agree that relationships should be built on trust right? But just how much are we willing to trust our partners or friends? The word “love” is so easy to say yet so difficult to prove isn’t it. For a better understanding of what love is, I’ll refer us to 1Corinthians 13. After reading it ask yourself this question: Can I truly love like this? Where am I going with this? I don’t know yet.

Apart from the fact that there’s so much sex in the series “Sex n d City”, there are lessons to be learnt. Carrie Bradshaw, a thirty-something year old woman was dating a Mr. Big. His job moves him to Paris and he so much as did not mention it to Carrie who found out by accident. He broke her heart by moving to Paris and does not call her or try to maintain their relationship even though it is obvious that Carries loves him. Some months or a year passes and they bump into each other at a party. Carrie is stunned that he is in fact in town and did not try to reach her then she finds out that he’s dating a much younger girl who happens to be 24/25 and is miss prim and proper. Mr. Big and Natasha prim and proper did eventually tie the knot after months of dating. Of course Carrie is hurt especially since he left her for a much younger girl and after telling her that he never wants to get married again. But she does try to move on and in so doing, she meets this really nice, tall, cute and good guy and is kinda scared that everything is going all smooth with him until Big makes a re-appearance. Yes, his marriage aint working and guess who he puts on the spot! Yes ! they did have amazing sex and she vows it will never happen again but it does over and over again. Big is saying he’ll leave his wife if only Carrie will be there for him when he does and she does not agree because she wants to love her new found boyfriend. We do know that married men will never leave their wives don’t we? Naturally, Carrie begins to shut her “mr. nice guy boyfy” out because she is ashamed of her behaviour and keeps running everytime big calls.

And she begins her battle of the wills “to tell or not to tell him”. Some of her friends advice against it while some do. If you were Carrie, what would you do? She is afraid that she’ll lose him but in the end she does tell him and she loses him quite naturally.

In our part of the world, it is easier for a woman to forgive a man’s indiscretions than it is for a man to forgive a woman’s. my question is would you forgive your spouse for cheating on you? And why?

Some of us might call Carrie a big fool especially since he did not marry her and is having an affair/committing adultery with her but my dear, emotions run pretty deep especially when the heart is involved. (Oh yeah! He was eating his cake and having evry crumb of it.) Your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you another. carrie knew she shouldn’t have slept with Big and jeopardised her current love life but when you love someone and “great sex” is involved, you lose all sense of reasoning. Why would a married man want to eat his cake and have it? And why would he put his ex-girlfriend in that position especially since he knows she had…still has feelings for him, after all, love doesn’t just die after a relatonship ends does it?

In my part of the world,if a married man goes after a single young lady and she falls for him, the society will blame the girl for yielding and no one will blame the guy for leaving his wife at home and chasing after another woman after all, it is a man’s world. Everyone seems to forget that a single “younger or older girl a.k.a the other woman also has feelings and is only human. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning the lady’s consent whatever the case may be, all I’m saying is it’s not everytime that the young lady chases the married guy after all, it takes two to tango. Look at Carrie for example, if Big had never made any move, she’d have been comfortable with her “mr. goody two shoes” and she’d have had the chance to love him as he truly deserved to be loved but Big had to make the move and considering what they’d shared in the past, she did not have the strong will to resist him.

My questions are in four parts
1. If you cheated on your boyfriend/spouse would you tell him/her and why?
2. If you were the spouse that was cheated on would you forgive and try to make things work or would you leave?
3. Did Big love carrie in the real sense of the word especially after reading 1Corinth 13?
4. It’s legendary that women do not know what they want but what do men want? Do men want to date miss wild and free and then marry miss prim and proper/miss bitch?