A Man's Wife

So today, after much ado I finally went to Terra Kulture to see the drama with the above title. It had two people as the actors – a man and his wife.

This story is about a man and wife who have been married for twenty-two years and all of a sudden, the man starts having “mid-life crisis” and blames his wife for everything that has gone wrong in his life – his unfulfilled dreams and aspirations, the fact that she nags about every little thing he does, how she keeps reminding him of all the mistakes he’s made and so on. Basically, his point is she has taken him for granted and blames the “no longer exciting” marriage on his wife. Instead of trying to work out things between them, he looks outside and meets “the other woman”. This other woman happens to be pregnant for him and his wife hears from outside sources and she confronts him. He denies at first but then admits that there is indeed another woman but he still denies that she is heavy with his child. After much pressure he admits that she is indeed heavy with his child and as the typical African woman that she is, she tries to see if they can work things out but her husband of 22 years is very unwilling as in his own words Linda who is the other woman is caring and full of innocence. She shows him things that he never imagined, treats him like a god and all. His wife reminds him that she’s been with him for longer and knows his weaknesses which make it all the better but he says she put her career before him and that her love for him has dwindled. She reminds him that they have 3 lovely kids who happen to be schooling abroad and asks what the children will think and feel and his excuse is that they are in America and it is a way of life for married people in there to separate.

However, things take a turn when she realizes that her husband is indeed leaving and she tries to recapture their wedding day on their anniversary only with a twist. She reappears in her wedding gown and offers him a drink for old time’s sake and without suspecting foul play, accepts the drink. She then asks him this question which I’ve rephrased “what is a woman incapable of feelings able to do?” he looks at the empty tumbler only to realize a little too late that he’s been poisoned. Linda, whose real name is Susan happens to be her informant and her daughter’s friend or as her husband out it “older friend”. She also poisoned herself with her end notes as (rephrased) “if after 22 years I cannot have you, no other woman will”.
The play was quite entertaining and fun; funny and witty but I did not like the way it ended. Tragedy is a major genre of literature but I’m looking at the lesson I got from the play.

Yes, the man got bored and was looking for excitement with someone as young as his daughter after 22 years of marriage and while he might have had a point with the fact that his wife continuously nagged and complained about almost everything, he forgot that nothing in life is permanent and could not have expected that what he got in the first few years of their marriage, he would continue getting after 22 years or what do you think? But what did he do to revive it? Nothing. In this regard, I might blame the woman. Men like to feel that they are needed, always make him feel that whether you are 5 yrs into marriage or 50 years into it, he is very much still needed. If you have stayed married to him for as long as that, it shows that you love him but with the pressures life brings to our doorstep, we tend to forget to show it or say it. If you love him say it, if he’s been good to you and your kids, say it and show him appreciation; it could be by cooking his favourite movie, treating him to a massage or just “loving” him in other ways – whatever it is show appreciation. Funny how it is us women that always have to keep him happy.

Loving a man does not mean not having a life outside him. You have to have a deep rooted relationship with God. Although his wife quoted the scriptures to make her point, I don’t think she knew God in the way she ought to have because if she did, she’d know that even after 22 years, she could still live without him. I mean what if he had died of natural causes? Wouldn’t she have continued living? She did not have to kill him or herself just because she could not imagine a life without him or imagine him in the arms of a much younger woman. There is much more to life than a separation after many years isn’t there? She could have concentrated more on her career, bonded more with God, done a whole lot of things other than murder and suicide which I think is the easy way out.

Love is not selfish and I think she was and in my opinion, she stooped lower than her husband. Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned right? A woman can hate a man with the same intensity she loves him…yes! We were made that way.

Finally, to all young single ladies out there, a married man can never be yours especially if he is not yet divorced. No matter what happens, the wife has an advantage after all, she did wed him in a church or mosque and made God part of that covenant. In a battle of prayers, who do you think will win? The wife of course! It is not in every case that the single lady goes after the married men, some men come after us right? Funny as it may sound, you have to be responsible for you and tell yourself the truth. If he is officially divorced, I don’t have a problem with it but if he isn’t please steer clear because no one wants a life full of curses. Life already has a lot of challenges, why add more by yourself?

The play wasn’t bad and Wole Oguntokun is good at what he does. I rest my case.